as a married woman, some people might think that my only dream should be to buy my own house, get a piece of the American (or Hong Kong, i guess) Dream, and start planning how many kids I'm going to have. While the feminist in me wants on blow these off and start a rant about keeping women in the workforce (hellooooo liberal studies lesson!), i must admit that i have been very much entertaining these thoughts post-marriage.
as extraordinarily different i had thought myself of being, now that i am married and quite settled in my career, i have started to think about whether it is kids and a house with a nice kitchen that i want in my life...whether there is anything else to want. you see, i have my wonderful husband to thank and blame for that - he has given me everything i could possibly want. we have stable jobs, with a promising and exciting new career on the side for him, a variety of pets, a relationship that people write movies about, and everything that you could possibly want at just past quarter century. really, there's nothing more to want. i have a husband who walks me downstairs to wait with me for a cab on days where he doesn't have to work, and a husband who updates his facebook statuses about how much he loves me on a regular basis. let's admit it - i'm damn lucky.
but of course there's the other part of me that wants to pursue other dreams. i was looking through my old emails today, and came across a series of articles i had written for my old workplace. i was the editor-in-chief for a very big piece of propaganda at my previous company, and had written pretty much every single piece in the magazine that was supposed to be the up-and-coming news source for drama education, but clearly, was just a big fat advertisement for my then-employer. as exploited as i had felt back then when being chased for the deadlines, i feel a real sense of accomplishment remembering the creativity and talent that i had as an inexperienced writer. writing was something that came natural to me, and words seemed to flow out of my fingertips as effortlessly as - well, as i now teach.
i always told myself that if i didn't teach, i would write. in fact, i see myself more as a writer than as a teacher. don't get me wrong - teaching is great. there's nothing that feels quite the same as when you say something in class that makes all your students' lightbulbs switch on at the same time. but writing has another sense of empowerment, a sense of mystery, where you don't have to worry about what you are really writing, or how it will be received, because you know that in that moment, it is just what you want to say.
i'm not really sure what i'm trying to get at here, but i did want to revisit my blog to just make sure i hadn't "forgotten" how to write - or that i wanted to be a writer. some day, some day soon, i promise that i will have something with my name on it out there. somewhere out there.
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