inside the mind of a teacher

i can't write this on my facebook, for fear that my students and colleagues will read this and judge me. nor can i just hold it in and try to forget about it and move on and be an effective and mature educator.

so here I am.

It is REALLY not easy to be a good teacher. i spend hours upon hours thinking of the perfect lesson plans with the perfect resources and the perfect information in hopes of helping my students succeed. especially in the hk education system, where the stakes are high and the pressure to succeed is immense due to the public examinations, there is just no wiggle room for laziness, both for myself and the students. in order to ease their many worries about the upcoming exams, i have tried to prepare as much as possible to help guide them through. which is why when i see students dozing off in class or looking at other things or rolling their eyes, i DO take it personally. i can't help but to take it personally.

i know, i know. i know that there are a million reasons for them to not want to pay attention in class, and i know that i shouldn't attribute it all to myself. in fact, i know that this interpretation is rather egotistical and ill-intended, since my job as an educator shouldn't to brainwash them, but to give them choices and yaddy yaddy yadda. the problem is, though, that i only have about an hour to put all my thinking and planning and love and care and hard work into good use, and when i see the students disappearing while they're still in their seats, it frikken hurts. i feel disappointed and defeated, broken and hopeless. i don't want to think that these are bad kids, but sometimes i can't help but to question it. if i am working so hard to help you succeed when all you do is complain without trying your best, then where does that leave us? where does that leave you?

i'm sick of having to apologize for boring lessons. the lesson isn't boring. hell, i know for sure that it's not ME who's boring either. the problem is that nowadays students think that it's the teachers' jobs to entertain them and to give them a good show like everything on tv, rather than to just give them some time and space for thinking. they keep telling me that they can't get themselves to care about global warming and political affairs so i shouldn't teach it, but i feel like this is all wrong. maybe it's time that teens DO start caring about things like global warming and political affairs. afterall, they're the ones who are going to be around to suffer from their consequences when their teachers are already buried deep beneath the ground.