counting down...

since Canada seems to be all i can think about lately, i guess that's just what i'll be blogging about as well.
i keep dreaming about forgetting to bring my clothes along, or missing the flight because billy left the house late, or really really stupid things that might go wrong. but actually...i need to focus on what to get people...as in...presents...SIGH!

all this shopping to do, and i STILL have to study for my new job! ARGH! and write one more musical script...and...all this other crap that i'll have to do before i go. yet, here i am, writing on my blog instead of doing anything else. WHOPPEEEE!!! lol...

there's really nothing to talk about here. except how excited i am to be back in canada. i never knew how much i missed it until it's really coming to the time where i'd be going back! i just can't wait to play in the snow and go to shoppers and bubble tea and chill at home and roll around on the big, carpeted floor and take a shower in the insulated, well-heated bathrooms, and TIM HORTON'S, and put up my Christmas tree, and wrap presents, and meet with all my friends, and go to MCBC, and walk down Main Street, and watch the raptors game, and eat yummy hotdogs, and do nothing and not think about work, and eat late-night pizza, and slip and fall on the ice, and.....i can't think of any more.

sigh....just 9 more days...!!!

on changes

God's been pretty awesome to me lately. i ask for a new direction, i get it. i ask for billy's direction, we get it. we ask for snow, we get it. seems that we're just so packed with blessings lately...and of course once we're up, we get ready for the down. but it's cool...i kinda have a good feeling now for the way life is gonna go. never one way. always up and down to keep things interesting, right?

so i'm looking forward to my new direction. even though i know it's gonna be a challenge, and that it's not going to be easy, i'm glad that i'm finally starting to move out of my comfort zone and grow up a little bit. as dramatic and traumatic my life events for the past 24 years have been, things have always kinda worked out for me. so, i'm hoping to really keep stepping out of my comfort zone, until i feel like i'm where i should be. but baby steps :)

for those of you who don't know, i'm about to embark on the next step of my career ladder - to be a full-time teacher at a secondary school. i'm actually going to be a teacher teacher now, not a drama teacher, teaching liberal studies and integrated humanities - pretty much everything i would want to teach and more. picking up my curriculum and textbooks today, i felt a freshness and a sense of anticipation that i usually feel only on the first week of school each year - new textbooks, new notebook - determined to make it a brand new start...i'll be covering topics of globalization, public health, hong kong today, and all sorts of cool stuff....stuff that will require some studying haha...since...my students probably know more than i do about hong kong society. :/

i'm not sure how i'd do at such a structured job - there's gonna be a lot less freedom, and a lot more rules, including dress codes...BUT, what's more grown-up than being a teacher? haha...i guess it's about time i leave my baby self behind and start living an actual life, following my gut feeling instead of wasting time procrastinating and hiding from something i've really wanted to do, but was just to proud to - to dedicate my life to education. i always thought that i was too smart or too schooled to be a teacher, but i didn't realize what a special job teaching was. i wanted to elaborate, but you know what? there's no need. i'm sure all of us have known a teacher who have changed us a little bit inside.

i'm proud to be a teacher. :)

on liberal...studies

there are a whole bunch of things i want to talk about...a billion issues i'm interested in. recently, i've picked up the habit of interacting with the newspaper. the more i read, the more i realize how stupid and misinformed i really am. granted, not everything in the newspaper is true either, but in the least, it humbles me to see how out of touch i have been with the rest of the world.

since i've decided to make the hizzle my permanent home for the next 5-6 years, i guess it's time i know more about this new world i live in. and there's so much to know - even though it's such a tiny place compared to Canada, the systems are much more complicated, and there are also cultural differences to catch up with. looking at the papers today, i read an article about families sending their children to local, government-vouchered(?) kindergartens for half a day, then international, private kindergartens for the other half, so they could get both their chinese and english learning before they even start official schooling. seems that the world really is in a crazy race to get their kids ahead...even if it means that their kids are spending crazy hours in the tutorial centres and schooling institutions, and not enough time with their family in the comfort of their own homes.

i guess very soon we'll be witnessing a generation of super-kids, elementary school students who will know more than we do. i don't know what the world's going to be like, teachers knowing less than students, and teachers wanting respect from kids that will feel like they own the world in many ways. one thing's for sure - the world is just gonna get more and more complicated. truths are no longer truths, just temporary states...

gotta hold on to my Rock.

on praise

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name


Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
But my heart will choose to say
"Blessed be Your Name!"
You give and take away
You give and take away
But my heart will choose to say
"Blessed be Your Name!"

on answered prayers

seems like God's little lost sheep are all beginning to find their way...

on alienation

is it true? that i'm naive? that i have an inappropriate amount of passion? that i seem inexperienced and unrealistic?
or have too many people given up on pursuing the goal of education for all? knowledge for all?
do i mostly sound like a raving lunatic talking about ideals? is there anything i can actually do to realize my dreams?

have i depended on the wrong outlet? am i just talking to thin air? is anyone listening?

is this what society is supposed to do to you? kill your passions and your expectations? i guess it's about time for me to wake up and realize that life will never be the rainbows and butterflies i thought it would be. i'm an alien. i'm a freak. no one understands why i feel so strongly about the things i do. but i understand.

when home was no longer a refuge for me, i was lucky enough to take heart in my education. had i abandoned my schoolwork and given up on my efforts to succeed academically, i'd never be who i am today. i guess other than my spiritual saving from God when i went to Him several years ago, my second saviour would be my knowledge. i realized that there was lots about the world that i didn't know, and that there was a way to explain everything that happens. the more i studied, the more i realized how many mistakes people have made in their daily lives by being ignorant. i also realized how lucky i was to be given the opportunities i had, and i want to be able to provide other people who may not be as fortunate with more opportunities to be somebody in the world.

but i don't have an outlet. and i am talking to thin air. and while that speech may impress potential employers for a small amount of time, sooner or later i just become another money-making machine for them in their workhouse. this isn't the life i want, but there is no refund. seems that the only hope is to work through the system, get rich somehow, and start my own thing.

so...are rich people the only people who are allowed to have a dream?

on blessings

have i done this one before? ah well, doesn't matter, since i have so many blessings daily that i probably haven't counted yet anyway.

i've been really distracted lately with planning my trip to toronto lately, so i really haven't been thinking about anything else at all. all i can think about is my escape...

my blog is rather public now, so i guess i can't really say whatever i want. what i can say, is that God is great! He's been listening to everything i've been asking for, and he really just never stops giving. now i just hope Billy can get his share of blessings, too.

anyway. i have nothing important to write about here. will talk again some time.. :D